R.I.P. NYC Pen

This year for my birthday I got an awesome NYC pen. For most, this would just be another pen, but for me, it was much more.

See, I love office supplies. Pens, post-its, paperclips -- anything. This year I was given this sweet NYC package for my birthday. It had a magnet, shot glass, little yellow cab cookies, a set of 30 black and white postcards of Old New York (which I have successfully made into an amazing wall in my living room), and this phenomenal NYC pen.

Black ink, a nice finger grip, clicky top -- it was perfect.

Today I have to retire the pen. I have successfully used every last drop of the ink.

The pen was amazing and it will be greatly missed.


(No need to sit shiva, but words of condolence would warm my heart.)

Three reasons Einstein Bagels is no good...

1. The bagel was undercooked. Doughy bagels are not good. Too yeisty. Too chewy. Just gross.
2. The salmon cream cheese is nasty. It doesn't taste like salmon at all. It tastes more like pink, salty, paste. Good try.
3. It's not Bruegger's or a street cart in NYC.

All I wanted was a decent bagel and schmear. Is that too much to ask for? Apparently after being up since 3:00am it is. I should have taken his advice and gone to McDonald's.

Random thoughts...

...on you moving here:
I can’t believe this might be an actual option. We haven’t lived in the same city in literally seven years. I’m not even sure what it’ll mean for us. I know it’ll be awesome to be able to hang out whenever and I know it’ll be awesome to only be presumably fifteen minutes away. It’s exciting to think this could potentially happen. Would we be together? Would that even be smart? Would it open a can of worms we closed a long time ago? I am not sure. But I can’t help but be excited to see.

...on the possible breakup:
All I have to say about this follow your heart. I know it’s not easy – trust me, I know. But if you’re not happy and if you’re not sure it’s what will make you happy, then there’s something to be said for it. And if he is what will make you happy and you just need to take a little time and figure out what you need to do for you, then take your time and work it out. You know whatever you decide to do I will be here for you and support whatever your decision. I love you.

...on my sister:
Last weekend my sister came up to visit. We had an amazing weekend. We partied with some friends, we went to shul, we had our photos taken, we ate, we drank, we laughed. It was awesome. Maybe I can convince her to move up here after school. I think it’s possible. It’s very interesting how our relationship grew when I moved away to school and even more so when she went off to school (even though she really is only 20 minutes away from home).

...on skyping with my boys:
Today I spent two hours on skype with all three of my boys. It was amazing how we went right back into our normal routine… as if we were all actually sitting in the same room having the conversation. When in all reality, Harry and Brett are in Israel, Nathan in Atlanta, and I here in Minneapolis. It was really great to all be “together”, bantering, laughing, catching up. Crazy to think we all haven’t been in the same room together since February. An hour and half into the conversation, I had to sit back and just listen. It really was incredible. There we were, miles and miles and oceans apart, and we were all together. I love you boys.

...on the road trip of a lifetime:
I’ve been toying with this idea for a long while now. I really want to do it. I think I’ll start the plan. Start doing the research and finding the places and mapping the route. I wonder who I’d take with me. Anyone want to go on what could be the coolest, most awesomest, most amazingest, most spectacularest experience ever? (There's more to come on this...)

Two must-haves and a reconfirmation...

Must Have #1: iPod Shower Caddy
This would be a great replacement for my old CD player/radio shower caddy. It still works, but I never think to swap out the CD. I think the G Love CD in there is still what Nathan put in there when still inhibiting the House of Transients and Deviants. This would be a good replacement:
Must Have #2: Human Butcher Block
This would be great to get out all my aggressions... and come on, everyone knows someone they want to stick a knife in. Enough said:
Reconfirmation:
This morning I watched a movie with LLCoolJ in it. Yes, I still love LLCoolJ and his body. And yes, I will still have his babies.

Update [dad]...

After 35 radiation treatments, 8 sessions of chemo, and one small stint in the hospital for some pneumonia, my dad finished his treatments yesterday afternoon. Now we just have to let him heal. It will be about a month before he starts to feel better and we really don’t know when he’ll stop using the feeding tube and return to eating through his mouth, but we are all excited he doesn’t have to go to through the chemo and radiation anymore.

Thanks to everyone for the kind words and thoughts and prayers. While my dad is still on the road to recovery and could use every thought and prayer, I am certain what has been said thus far has gotten him to where he is today.

Sidenote...

Stephanie is coming to Minneapolis this coming weekend -- really looking forward to spending the weekend with her...

Update on the home front...

*Note this gets a little graphic about the side effects from my dad's chemo and radiation.


All weekend my dad was pretty much sleeping... he sleeps a lot, which is good. It's part of the healing process. When he's awake, he's in a lot of pain. His throat is sore. They explain it as being sunburned on the INSIDE of your neck instead of on the outside. He can't swallow. He eats only through his feeding tube... and it's all liquids. Seven cans of this protein stuff a day. Vicodin every four hours. He has so much gunk in this throat, but it hurts to cough, clear his throat, and swallow, so he spits a lot. He gags a lot, which also hurts. His tongue is so sore, his lips are so sore, even his teeth hurt. He only lost a little hair -- though it's hard to tell as his hair was already thinning anyway. He's lost a lot of weight -- most of it in his face, but you can tell in his body too.

It wasn't too bad... the entire weekend. Slept a lot and when awake, really didn't complain at all about the pain. This morning though, wasn't so great. Mom get all his meds (liquid to go through the feeding tube) and his two cans of protein drink ready, got his chair set in the kitchen, and he made his way, wrapped in a blanket (he's often cold), to have his "breakfast". He sat down, mom got the two meds in and one of two cans.... and then he started to gag. Not from the food (remember, it's all going straight to his stomach, not through his mouth), but from all the crap in his throat. He starts to gag and dry heave and spit a lot. It's hard to watch your dad go through that -- be in so much pain. I can only imagine, no, I can't imagine, what it feels like. He apologized to me, once he was through, for the sounds and the heaving, because he knows I am a little squeamish -- and in the middle mom asked if I just wanted to go -- but as I told them both -- it was fine and me leaving would make it worse for me. I toughed it out -- just as my dad will. Once he finished "eating", he was pretty exhausted, and sore, from all the gaging and coughing, he pretty much went right to sleep on the couch. I woke him up briefly to say goodbye and had to hold myself together. Said goodbye to mom in the driveway and headed on my way. I don't think I made it past the neighbor's house before the tears came.

He has one chemo and eight radiations left -- then it's on to the healing.

Again, however you pray and whomever to, please keep my dad (and family) in mind. My mom and I are both firm believers... every little thought and prayer helps.


---


On a lighter note, here's a bookshelf, that while very cool, I think would drive me crazy -- mostly because the books would be all crooked and hard to organize:
Thanks, but no thanks.

Going home...

I'm heading back to Appleton tomorrow to see my dad. I haven't been home since August when we found out he was sick. Yes, I've talked to my parents at least two or three times a week -- it's the best I can do from here to keep in touch and keep up to date with my dad's treatments... but it's hard. I am so nervous to go home and see him tomorrow. In no way has it been easy to be here while he goes thought this, but not being there means I don't have to see him in pain. I don't have to see my mom feed him through the feeding tube because his throat is too sore to swallow even water. I don't have to see him sleep on the couch all day or get ready for his treatments. I don't have to see my mom care for my dad. I can call and get updates and talk to my dad and hear his voice, but I don't have to see it. Stephanie tells me it's really hard to see. I don't know how tough I can be. I have to be strong... for my dad, for my mom, and for my sister. Stephanie says she cries... I've only cried three times -- once at the hospital the moment we went into that damn little room (I knew all too well what comes out of those little rooms -- it wasn't good the first time with my mom and it wasn't good the second time with my dad), I cried after I got in the car after saying goodbye to my mom in the driveway, and I'm crying now. I know going home is what I need to do -- I need to see my dad so I know he's ok. I need to go home and be with my mom and sister... just be around. But I am so scared. I am scared to see my dad hurting. Two years ago I saw my mom this way. That wasn't easy. But I feel like this is worse. My dad's treatments are a bit more drastic than my mom's were -- I just don't know if I'm ready to see it. I know he's going to be ok. I know he is. Nine days and then healing. That's it. But it's hard. It's so hard. And I'm scared. I don't say it often and certainly not out loud. But I am. I am scraed.

I'm going home tomorrow to see my dad. I'll be back Sunday.