My boys...

Some would say we were inseparable. We were always together -- and when we were, there was really no separating us, so I'd say it was true. We had our moments, two against two, one against three, but really, we were the best.

I can still remember how I met each of them. Brett was the first. I was a peer advisor and he a new freshman. We went around the room during the college meeting and he caught my eye. I knew he was Jewish - not a bad thing, of course. We then broke out at the end of the meeting to ask questions and he asked about Hebrew. He knew he was more advanced than the first or second semester, but didn't know what to do. I knew just what he needed to do. He was the last student out of our office the next morning and it was then I knew we'd be friends forever.

Harry was next. Harry claims we also met during orientation, transfer orientation, though I don't so much remember him from then. I remember Harry from my Jewish Studies class. I was in love with the professor and though this kid (Harry) was so smart, knew everything there was to know, and yes, was kind of cute. We studied a lot together, watched a hockey game or two, really truly learned about each other -- and now we too are forever friends.

Then there was Nathan. There's not really much more to say than that. We met one night while Harry and I were working on an article I was writing for a magazine at Starbucks. Though that was the actual first encounter we had, we are pretty sure we knew each other from somewhere before. That's when I knew we'd forever be better friends than anyone would fully understand. I can't really say much more than that about how I met Nathan and the extent of our relationship -- whatever I say here no one will really understand. Nathan and I have been through a lot together -- on both our behalves -- and I would not change one moment of it. The turn of events we've been through has taught me more than I ever would have expected and I love him more and more every day for our friendship. (I love Harry and Brett too, but I think they'd all agree Nathan and I have been through a lot more together and will understand.)

I met my three boys at three different times, and over the past seven months, I've had to say goodbye to each of them. Nathan was the first to leave. I'm not going to lie -- it was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, saying goodbye to him. I'm choking up with tears in my eyes even thinking about it now, seven months later... Nathan is one of the most important people in my life, to watch him go away to figure things out is something I am so proud of him for doing. Never will I ever be more proud of Nathan than I have been in the last year. ... and I am going to leave it at that. I love you.

Brett left next. Now Brett's departure was two-fold for me. Brett left me in Minneapolis, showed up randomly at my door one night, and then met up with my sister and me in New York City over the summer. Brett and my relationship has been one of openness. We talked about everything. Saying goodbye to Brett was hard, yes -- but I know he's going to be where his heart is - in Eretz Yisrael - and no one was going to stop him. Certainly not me.

Last night I said goodbye to Harry. He was the third and final boy to leave. Harry too is off to Israel for a year to start his studies in Rabbinical School. He'll be in Israel for a little over a year, and the back to the states, I think in California, to finish up and become an ordained rabbi. After dinner at Emily's I hopped in my car and Harry in his and we both headed off to my new apartment. On the way home I realized I had to say goodbye to Harry and that I really didn't want to do it. We sat around my apartment as if nothing unusual would transpire later. Finally, Harry looked at me and told me he was going to miss me. I brushed it off -- I didn't want to say goodbye because I knew he was the last to go. I know I have Greenberg (I'll always have Greenberg) and there are many others in line to try and step in for my boys who are off doing there things, being who they are... but it'll never be the same. I gave Harry a hug, told him to be safe and have fun, and keep in touch. I know he will. I closed the door and went to bed. I left it at that.

I have to stop since I can't really see clearly through the tears... I love the three of you more than each of you will ever know. I hope you realize each of you are my family and I truly love and miss you each and every day.

***

I'm not sure this is where I was going with this when I sat down to write tonight.. but this is what came out and I'm not going to rethink it. And for the record, I mean every word of it.