Why the two of you must come home and visit me...

So here's the deal. You (both) have been gone for quite some time. Not only have you been gone for a while, but you've been over the long enough where (whether you want to admit it or not) you know you would love a little break from the Mediterranean sun and would love to indulge in a nice Midwestern summer day. Not only that, but come on, you'd get to hang out with Lizzo -- that alone should be reason enough!

While I know one of you MUCH better than the other, I feel it is important for you both to make the trip, Why? Well, you Nathan, must come home and visit me. The apartment misses you. It gets lonely during the day. Leftovers don't go half as quickly. I could use a night of ass-raping rummy, too much wine, laughing until I cannot breathe... And if not for me, at least come home for the T-Rex. We have a T-Rex!

And as for Ilan, well, I have heard much about this Ilan fellow. I have seen picture upon picture, we're spoken on many an occasion, he's felt up Nathan (although many of us have) and he liked it, I've seen his credentials, and I do believe I (or my father, for that matter) owe him a dowry of 40 sheep and 800 hotcakes. You, Ilan, have to at least come home for the sheep and hotcakes!

You both owe it to me -- I mean, I'm Lizzo!!!

And anyway, how can I resist these faces?(Nathan and Ilan)

I mean look at you. With all that hair and headband (and from what I hear, ponytail) action... you can see why I am missing you BOTH so much and just need a little time with us all together.

So here's the plan. Take a long weekend, come visit me, I'll cook you endless amounts of deliciousness, I have enough liquor, beer (ok, lacking a little on the beer, but that can be easily fixed), and more wine than really necessary (is that even possible?), we'll have peanut butter and ice cream, wine, tickle wars until I can't breathe, wine, and a night of cuddling all together in my big bed. Allen will come down, you can smoke and blow it in my face, I'll even bring out the big guns and spring for Mesa!

Ultimately you have no choice. You must come home and visit me. You can go back, I promise to let you go back. But you have to come. And you have to stay with me. I miss you (both) to the point where there is no other option. There's just no way around it. Please oh please come! I'll make it worth your while. Oh, how I will make it worth your while...

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Are you on your way yet?